HUSBAND/ FATHER// WIFE/ MOTHER

Men will tend to look for an image of their mothers in their wives, and women will tend to search for their fathers in their husbands.
Sad but True !

The first male that a woman comes in contact with, is her father. Naturally, if he is a good father, she will like her husband to match him. He should be able to offer her the comfort and security that her father offered to her. If he cannot, he can't be a good husband.

If the father was a bad father, or if she lost him early on, she can react in two ways.
She can either create the image of an ideal father in her brain, and for a man to match this image is even more difficult.
Or, she can start hating and mistrusting all men, and it would be very difficult to turn around such a woman.

So, when you see your wife complaining to you about anything, see what part of her is trying to talk to you (See below: TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS). She may be missing the protective shield that her family provided to her. If she is trying to look for some emotional comfort from you, its the C-----P path that she is following. She has come like a good daughter to you, and its your job to behave like a good father at that moment. Give her emotional support, hold her close, comfort her. Follow the P----C path in talking to her.

But if you try to advise her over "the way in which the world works", or some other adult talk, which is an A-----A conversation, do it at your own peril. By following this path, you would just create a crossed transaction, and it will immediately create conflict between you two.

The converse of this also applies to men.

So , stop complaining that it's so difficult to understand the other sex. See what is expected out of you, and reply accordingly.
Just do this bit, and the two of you will share a higher level of understanding.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
Taken from Dr. Eric Berne, MD.

What this theory says is that, every person comprises three sub- personalities:

Parent: the remnant of his parents instructing him/ her over things and morality.
Adult: The rational, logical brain.
Child: Remnants of childhood, the child who likes to have fun and be cared for.

Moreover, if someone is talking to you, you should be able to gauge what part of the person is making the statement, and to which part is it addressed.
If you reply from the same sub- personality as the speaker intends you to, you get a normal transaction (talk).
But if you reply from a different sub- personality, you cross the transaction, and create conflict.
e.g.:
You: I have misplaced the keys. Have you seen them? (intended as A-----A, adult to adult conversation)
Me: Why cant you take care of your stuff. You are so irresponsible. (P----C, parent to child conversation)

explanation: 'You' just asked me a question (A----A), and expected an (A----A) reply. But when I hear you make that statement, for whatever reason, I take it as (C----P), a child asking a parent, and I reply along the same path (P-----C).

This is a crossed transaction, the paths of (A----A) and (P-----C) intersect, and such a conversation is bound to raise conflict.

So try to spot what your friend, spouse, etc... is trying to tell you, and answer along the same path. Else you will create conflict.