RELATION'S CORE & PERIPHERALS

1. I had started liking a girl 4 years back. I didn't know then what i was looking for, but since I had said yes to her, i cant leave her now, even though i keep finding better women each day, and i deserve much better, but since commitment is sacrosanct to me, I cant leave her.

2. I have a boyfriend since 3 years, and he dotes on me, so I just cant leave him. I don't like him so much, and I have bumped into two great guys in the last year. But since I have been with my boyfriend for so long, I (have fooled myself to) believe that he is the kind of guy I want.

3. I have been married since three years, and i have never liked my husband. I always deserved a better man, but since it was an arranged marriage, I cant walk out. Though i constantly keep meeting other guys, hoping that i wish one of them were my husband instead, but since marriage is sacrosanct, i cant break it.

4. I have to get married according to my family and my elder brother's wishes. They will surely do the best for me. I have to live through the marriage, but because they are so concerned for me, they will find the best match for me.

5. When I am away from her, I don't like her so much, but whenever I am with her, she makes me feel very good ( she manipulates me very well). And since we have committed, we have to marry now.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Something that either you, or someone close to you had said, or still says.

People meet each other, fall in love without knowing what they are looking for in the long term, or fall in love, just because someones cares for them. Some women fall in love because the guy is is a good guitar player, or because he looks so good, or because he has a great sense of humor.

But then, slowly, but definitely, reality dawns upon everybody, and they realize they wanted something else, but they got a raw deal, all because of their own erroneous judgment. But instead of accepting that they can err, they keep flowing in the same relation, and keep inventing reasons, all of which are peripherals or illusions like commitment, sanctity of love, unbreakable marriage, unconditional love, and whatever else the society has ever conjured up.

A relation between a man and a woman is only achieved when their cores match. The age old peripherals like societal face saving, unconditional love, etc. only sustain a relation by imbibing guilt in people, so that partners are unable to leave each other, even if they want to.

Don't say yes, or remain committed just because you have accidentally brought a person to the point where he/ she said yes to you. Don't let guilt drive a relation, because if u let it stay in the driver's seat, then that is the only driver the relation will ever have. Don't let society or your family, marriage, and other peripherals keep your relation intact and keep you fooled into remaining committed. Break out if the cores have stopped carrying any meaning, and only the peripherals matter.

Go ahead and commit, but commit only when you are sure its a commitment from equals, and you would truly feel committed, and it is mutual. Stop fooling yourself!
Do yourself and the other person a favor. If you think the other person is intelligent enough, explain the whole situation to him/ her. He/ She may improve, but if that is not possible, Walk Out before it is too late, and Save Yourself !

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE ME

Its ironical when you nurture a relationship a lot, and then the other person abandons you. And mostly without notice, but at times, the two of you slowly drift away.
If this happens a few times, it alright, but when this happens again and again, isn't it time to think why its happening?

The first reaction is- People always leave me! Boo Hoo Hoo. This is what you imagine, and this is what you tell all your friends, and all potential friends/ others. This either lets them sympathize with you, or it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The ones who start sympathizing, get closer, and start seeing the real you, and the ones who are on the verge of leaving, start moving out.

But why are some people on the verge of leaving you at all, thats the point.

One reason could be that you have yourself been pushing out people, either by expecting too much from them, or wailing too much in front of them, or doing something that gives u pleasure and gives them pain. And its most probably your doing thats driving out people.

Another reason could be that you choose people who are in some state of dependency, or emotional/physical/sexual need. And satisfying their need satisfies you in return. And as soon as their needs are met, they have to walk out. But its only you who can be blamed for bringing it upon yourself, not them.

The third possibility is the vice versa of the second one, and so, people walk out as soon they realize that u don't need any more comforting from them.

So check yourself, and you'll realize it is more of your doing rather than anybody else's, that people leave you often.